Final Gathering
by Skulz
Summary: Mulder and Scully meet Dave Duchovny and Gill Anderson
1. Our Bland Lives

Final Gathering  
  
By: The one and only Skulz (of Dangly Chicken Inc.)  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Genre: Humor/Horror humor because it's a strange (dare I mention funny) idea, and horror because Skinner's in it.  
  
Summary: Muld' and Sculls meet the Duchov' and Anders'.  
  
Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, The Lone Gunmen, and Walter Skinner belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and FOX. David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Piper Anderson, and Chris Carter (I think) belong to themselves. 'Crafty' and his pet rat don't exist, and weren't based on anyone.  
  
Spoilers: A bit of Hollywood A.D. but not quite, and the comment made by Mulder about 'Crafty' watching Scully was a line off 'The Rain King' (season 6). Also, there were references to the 'Dreamland' episodes (season 6). (And Ducky, no I'm NOT copying!!)  
  
POV: Third person  
  
Author's Note: I've been thinking about this for the longest time. I've really wanted to write a fic about Dave and Gill, but I couldn't find a good enough scenario... I thought about this one where they're secretly lovers, but I found it too strange to continue, so here's my second attempt.  
  
Dedication: Let me put this simply: No one sane deserves this.  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
Our Bland Lives  
  
It began the way every X-File should begin. Mulder and Scully were sulkily sitting in their office, wondering if they'd ever escape this treacherous search for truth. So far, they'd never actually found any hard-core proof, other than their own experiences. There was almost no hope for the future in their puny lives, and if there were, it would be far, far in the future.  
  
"You want some coffee?" Mulder grunted.  
  
"Mm-hmm," Scully mumbled.  
  
Mulder went down to the cafeteria, dragging his feet, a frown on his face. The coffee sat in the middle of the table, looking just as bland and tasteless as ever. He sighed, and silently prayed that life would just simply end. There was really no point to it. Why did God even bother? Why was this so deeply depressing? Life was so dreary lately, and there was no light at the end of this tunnel. Mulder had almost lost almost all hope. But that was all about to change.  
  
+  
  
David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson were on a coffee break, they had been for the last couple of minutes, and as usual, they were bored out of their minds.  
  
"Life has been crap lately," Gillian said.  
  
"Mmm," David grunted in reply.  
  
"I really wonder if life would be any different if we actually were Mulder and Scully?" Gillian asked.  
  
"Well, of course we'd be different, Gill. Think about it. Mulder and Scully aren't actors, they're FBI. Instead of answering to Chris, they answer to Skinner. Actually, they don't answer to Skinner, they go off and do their own thing," David retorted.  
  
"Well, yeah. Hey, wait! We don't listen to Chris!" Gillian said. Then she thought for a second. " But don't you think they'd be bored, too? If they really did exist, and we had control of what they did, then what would they do when we weren't playing them?"  
  
"Gill, you're beginning to sound like Mulder," David laughed.  
  
"And you sound like Scully, Dave," Gillian smirked.  
  
"Maybe we should switch roles," David suggested.  
  
"Yeah, sure," Gillian giggled, putting down her empty coffee cup. "C'mon, we've gotta get back to the set in a minute."  
  
David got up and stretched his muscular arms. Then he trailed after Gillian, trying to remember his lines.  
  
+  
  
"Say, Scully, do you think we all have twins, you know people that look just like us, and have almost the same lives?" Mulder questioned, sipping his mocha.  
  
Scully spat her latte out and laughed out loud. "Mulder! What kind of stupid question is that?"  
  
"What? So you think this theory's bupkiss?" Mulder asked.  
  
"Bupkiss? Mulder, what do you expect? I think we're all made unique," she replied.  
  
"Come on, out of all the seventeen billion people on this planet, you think there's only one Mulder?" he inquired, "I mean, how impossible is that?"  
  
"It's very possible that there's only one of you. How would you like it if there was a bunch of Mulder's running around?" Scully queried.  
  
"Well, I don't know how I'd like it... But I know you'd just love it!" Mulder exclaimed, running over to tickle his partner.  
  
Scully's face went red, and she laughed hysterically. "Mulder!" she cried between fits of giggles, "Stop it!" She gently pushed him away.  
  
Mulder backed off, his partner looked so happy. "So, do you still think the theory's bupkiss?" Mulder smiled. "Or do you need some more reasoning?" He held his hands up, getting ready to become the 'Tickle Monster' again.  
  
"Yeah, alright. So maybe there are other Mulder's and Scully's out there... and we're not unique at all. What exactly are we trying to prove anyways?"  
  
"Ah, I was just seeing if you were ticklish," Mulder responded.  
  
"Mulder!" Scully exclaimed, running over to her partner to tackle him.  
  
The two agents ended up on the floor, play-wrestling.  
  
Suddenly, in came A.D. Skinner. "Agents, what are you doing? I called you up to my office ten minutes ago! Move your lazy behinds and get over here!"  
  
Mulder and Scully got up off the floor and followed Skinner to his office. What would it be this time?  
  
+  
  
"Mr. Duchovny, Ms. Anderson, where have you been?" Chris Carter exclaimed.  
  
"We've been on our break, Chris, where else?" Gillian asked.  
  
"Ms. Anderson, that break ended five minutes ago, you two are late. How can I run a show when my actors can't even get here on time?" Chris exclaimed. "And Gillian, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't talk back to your superiors," he added in a strict and annoyed tone.  
  
David and Gillian kept walking.  
  
"What the hell was all that about?" Gillian whispered.  
  
Dave shrugged. "He's probably on his period or something," he reasoned.  
  
Gillian laughed.  
  
"And you know how upset he gets when people are late, don't worry, Gill. Don't take it too hard."  
  
She smiled. "Thanks, Davie."  
  
Duchovny and Anderson stepped into their dressing rooms to get changed into the clothes that were laid out for them.  
  
David sat upon the sofa, and stared at the suit he had to wear. Mulder wasn't such a bad dresser, but then again, Mulder didn't exist. David took off his gray T-shirt, sweatpants and running shoes. Sometimes the suits got annoying, and the pants rode up his behind, and the ties choked him, but there was no way out, he'd have to wear them. "Stupid suits," he mumbled, slipping on the white shirt, and buttoning it.  
  
Gillian held up the clothing of Scully. "Damn skirts," she said to herself. Gillian had always despised them. Why did Scully have to wear skirts? They weren't very good for running in, and it was especially stupid and vulnerable to wear them when you're doing fieldwork. Then there were the high heels. Why the heels? Who in their right mind would want to run all over the city chasing after aliens in heels? Gill figured Scully wasn't as bright as she seemed, but she began to put on the clothes anyway.  
  
Back in Mr. Duchovny's change room, he was just finishing putting on his pants, when he heard a scream from the next room. Gillian's room. Dave did up his fly and ran straight into his friend's change room. (Thankfully, by this time she wasn't revealing more than necessary.) "Gill, what's wrong?" David asked.  
  
Her eyes were wide with fear, and she pointed shakily at a rat that was crawling on the floor.  
  
David rolled his eyes. "Come on, Gillie."  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"You, Gillian Leigh Anderson, are afraid of a stupid little rat?" David crossed his arms.  
  
She nodded. Gillian really was scared.  
  
David sighed. "Come on, it's okay." He put his arm around her shoulder and led her out of the room. "Can we get an exterminator in there?" David pointed to the dressing room.  
  
Some kid from craft service rushed over. "Sorry, Mr. Duchovny, that's my pet rat."  
  
"Okay, kid, next time, leave your pets at home. You're preparing our food for God's sake!" David exclaimed, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Sorry again, Mr. D.," the kid apologized and ran off with the rat.  
  
Gill shook in Dave's arms. He looked down at her and kissed her head. "C'mon, Gill, it was only a little rat. Some kid's pet! Now get back in there and put on your jacket and heels. Chris is waiting."  
  
Ms. Anderson nodded and headed back to her room in silence.  
  
The Duchov' shook his head, grabbed his jacket from his room and locked the door. He'd go and wait for Gill with Chris and that rat kid from craft service.  
  
+  
  
Skinner stared at his two agents, drumming his fingers against the table, making them wait for his speech of the day.  
  
Mulder's sat calmly, no smile upon his lips. It was quite obvious he was content, if you knew Mulder, that is.  
  
On the other hand, Scully's heart was racing, pale cheeks, eyes wide open, and lips tightly pinched together. You didn't have to know her to figure out she was scared to death of what Skinner might say. She (unlike Mulder) had a passion for the rulebook, and having her career on the line was not one of her most acclaimed activities.  
  
Mulder turned toward his partner, and smiled, trying to give her the strength he had within. It didn't work though.  
  
"Agents, I am so disappointed in you two," Skinner boomed.  
  
Scully's heart leapt.  
  
"What exactly is this? This 'alien autopsy' crap! And the field report! 'The bodies, we believe, were taken by aliens'?" Skinner exclaimed.  
  
"By aliens or some more supreme being," Mulder corrected.  
  
"Agent Mulder, look at my face, and honestly tell me if I look like I give a..."  
  
"I wrote the report," Scully admitted, just before Skinner had a chance to curse.  
  
"Well, then, Agent Scully, maybe you can explain what happened out there," Skinner retorted.  
  
"I, uh," Scully stuttered, trying to explain her thinking.  
  
"Well, Agent Scully?" Skinner asked, giving her a questioning look.  
  
"I can't explain it," she replied.  
  
"Okay then, Scully. I sentence you both to a week in background checks as punishment," Skinner replied and pointed to the exit (as if they didn't know where it was).  
  
The door closed behind the depressed agents.  
  
"At least we're not scrubbing toilets," Scully replied.  
  
"What are you talking about? Toilets are cake compared to background checks! Or at least they're not boring!" Mulder exclaimed.  
  
"Okay, let's get one thing straight here: toilets and cake don't belong in the same sentence, okay? And also, what's so enjoyable about cleaning up sh."  
  
+  
  
"So, uh, Mr. Duchovny, what's it like?" the craft service kid asked.  
  
"What do you mean?" he inquired.  
  
"You know, being able to, like, kiss her," the kid said.  
  
"Who?" David asked.  
  
"Come on, Mr. D.! Kissing Scully!" 'Crafty' exclaimed.  
  
The Duchov' beamed. "Well, I'm an actor. It's not as intimate as you think."  
  
"I saw you blushing! You know you like her, Mr. D.," he replied, a twinkle in his eye.  
  
"Kid, there's nothing between me and Gillian. And stop calling me Mr. Duchovny! My name's David for heaven's sake!"  
  
"C'mon! I've watched you two, on TV, on the set, and even when you're on your coffee breaks. I know you like her!"  
  
"Listen, Crafty, I can assure you we're not together. Now go get me another coffee," Dave ordered, in a sort of demanding, but sweet tone. "Oh! And Crafty?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Don't watch my Gillie."  
  
Crafty laughed, and scampered off to the kitchen to get David's coffee (his rat had been put back in its cage).  
  
Suddenly, a scream arose from Ms. Anderson's change room.  
  
David stood up in an instant. He looked over at the rat's cage. The door was closed and locked. So what was happening in there?  
  
He ran down toward his friend's room, pounding on the locked door. Dave backed up a little and rammed it once. It didn't fall down.  
  
There were still screams from inside the room.  
  
"Don't worry, Gillian! I'm coming!" David cried, and rammed the door again with his shoulder.  
  
Still no impact on the door.  
  
David tried one last time ramming the door with his painful shoulder, and it worked. He pushed the door wide open, and suddenly realized the screaming had stopped. There was no one in the room.  
  
Duchovny turned around once. Twice. Three times. No one was in that room.  
  
Where had the screaming come from? Had he just imagined it? And more importantly where was Gillian? He inhaled slowly, held it, and exhaled. Maybe the X-Files were getting to him. David turned toward the door, but something grabbed his ankle, causing him to fall flat on the floor. David grabbed the edge of the door, but whatever had hold of him wouldn't let go and he was being dragged, screaming across the floor into...  
  
+  
  
"...it?" Scully retorted.  
  
Mulder just rolled his eyes. "I'm going to get some lunch, don't wait up for me."  
  
Scully nodded and waved goodbye to her partner. 


	2. Fallen From The Arms Of God

Fallen From The Arms Of God  
  
David Duchovny opened his eyes, everything was blurry and he felt a sharp pain in shoulder. He sat up, grasping his shoulder, and realized he was in a strange little office. "Where... am I?" he muttered. David took another glance around the room. It looked surprisingly familiar. He was sure he'd been there before. Dave stood up, the desk aided him for balance, and he went over to the chair, for a little rest.  
  
Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming down the hall toward the room. Dave gasped, not quite knowing what to do. He'd never just suddenly appeared somewhere, the Duchov' didn't get that drunk. So David watched silently, and in came... Gillian.  
  
He let out a sigh of relief. "You scared me there, Gill," he confessed.  
  
Anders' looked up at him. "Mulder, why are you calling me Gill?" she asked him. "Who's Gill?"  
  
Dave laughed. "Ha, ha, very funny. Who put you up to this? Chris? Téa? ...Crafty? And where are we? Did you drug my coffee again, Gillie?"  
  
"Mulder! Stop this! It's just stupid!" Gillian exclaimed.  
  
"Okay, ha, ha. I laughed, now let's get back to work, okay?" Davie told her sternly.  
  
Gillian gave him 'the skeptical eyebrow'.  
  
He just crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.  
  
"I know why you're doing this. It's cause we didn't finish what we started! I'm sorry, my bad. Let's start where we left off," Gillian told him, and walked over to Mr. D.  
  
"Wait... What exactly are you...?" David was cut off by Gill's passionate kiss. He pushed the woman off of him and suddenly exclaimed, "What is wrong with you?"  
  
Gillian gasped. She stood there, mouth agape for a moment. "You're not Mulder," she paused, "are you?"  
  
David shook his head. "And you're not Gillian."  
  
+  
  
Gillian sat in the cafeteria of this strange building she had suddenly appeared in. The last thing she remembered was putting on her jacket and heels in the change room. She sipped her coffee, and cautiously looked around the room. She didn't want to be seen. Gill hated having a bunch of X- Philes swarm around her calling her name and asking for an autograph. Anders' wondered where Davie was. Maybe this was some kind of sick joke. Did he drug her coffee?  
  
Suddenly, to her surprise, in came David. "I've been looking all over for you, Scully!" he exclaimed.  
  
Gill's heart skipped a beat. Had he just called her Scully? "Uh, Dave... What did you say?"  
  
"I've been looking all over for you," Dave repeated.  
  
"No. I mean you called me... You called me Scully," Gillian replied.  
  
"Uh, yeah! That's your name isn't it? Or is it more suitable after all these years to call you Dana?" David inquired.  
  
Gill laughed. "Uh, David, you don't have to be in character."  
  
Dave looked around, "What?"  
  
"Davie, this isn't funny," she told him.  
  
"What are you getting on about, Scully? And the name's Mulder, not 'Davie'. I think you'd have figured that one out by now."  
  
"All right, all right. A skill-testing question, here, one only the true Mulder would know. What is Scully's middle name?" Gill knew she'd get the Duchov' on this one. He could never get X-trivia.  
  
'Mulder' smiled. "What kind of question is that? Your middle name is Katherine!"  
  
Gillian went red with embarrassment and anger. "Okay, so maybe you've been researching the X-Files!"  
  
Mulder sighed. "I'm not David. You have the wrong guy. And you, I trust aren't Scully."  
  
Gill nodded.  
  
"Who are you, then?" Mulder asked her.  
  
"Name's Gillian Anderson," she introduced herself.  
  
+  
  
The Duchov' and 'Scully' sat staring at each other. "You don't know how much you resemble Mulder," she said.  
  
Davie smiled. "And you look like Anders' on a bad day," he replied.  
  
Scully's eyebrows narrowed and she crossed her arms.  
  
"Sorry, I didn't mean that," David replied.  
  
"You know, I think I prefer Mulder over you," Scully confessed.  
  
"I think I do, too," D. D. muttered.  
  
Scully smiled. "C'mon, let's go up to the cafeteria. Maybe Mulder's up there."  
  
Mr. D. followed the agent upstairs to the FBI eating quarters. He still couldn't believe where he was. What the hell had Crafty put in his food?  
  
+  
  
Gillian looked at Mulder. Mulder looked at Gillian. "Uh... You want something to eat?" Muld' asked.  
  
Gill nodded.  
  
Mulder got up and walked quickly over to a vending machine. He took out a bunch of quarters and stuck them in the chips and chocolate machine.  
  
Gill stood up and cried, "Hey! What are you doing?"  
  
Mulder turned around. "What?"  
  
"I can't eat that crap!"  
  
"I thought you said you wanted something to eat!"  
  
"Well... I'm on a diet! I thought there'd be salad or something! Where's craft service?"  
  
Mulder shrugged his shoulders. The truth was he didn't even know what 'craft service' was. (Actually, I didn't know what craft service was until recently, either, but that's a whole different concept.)  
  
Gillian slumped back down into her seat on the bench. There was nothing at all sanitary in this building. The rooms were messy, there wasn't anything but food from a plastic lit-up box, and the only person she'd met since she got there was a guy that looked like David! What was the day coming to?  
  
Suddenly, Gill felt a tap on her shoulder. She spun around to face...  
  
David.  
  
"What's up, Gillie?" he asked.  
  
She gulped. "Nothing. I uh, I've been looking for ya."  
  
David grinned. "Well, I met the strangest person. She looked just like..."  
  
Scully walked out from behind him. "Hey, Mulder!" Scully yelled across the room.  
  
Mulder turned away from the vending machine and stared straight at Scully. "Hey, Scull-AAAAAAH!" Mulder suddenly laid eyes on David Duchovny.  
  
Then Duchovny looked at Mulder with an equally horrified look upon his face. He too screamed, "AAAAAAH!"  
  
Then Gillian and Scully exchanged horrified looks and did their little scream. (There were a lot of horrified looks and screams at this point in time.)  
  
Mulder jogged over to the two identical women and ... the other Mulder.  
  
"What the hell is going on here?" Scully yelled.  
  
Both Gill and Dave shrugged.  
  
Mulder smiled. "Now do you believe me? I knew there was more than one Mulder!"  
  
Scully nodded. "Yeah, okay. You proved your point. Now how do we get rid of them?"  
  
"WHAT!" Gillian exclaimed, "Get rid of us? You guys don't even exist!"  
  
Scully raised a skeptical eyebrow. "We do so!"  
  
"Don't you use that look on me, I invented that look!" Gillian snapped.  
  
"Oh, yeah?" Scully asked.  
  
"Yeah," Gillian retorted.  
  
"I'm gonna use it all I want, so there! Freedom of eyebrow raising!" Scully pointed a finger at her twin-like-thing-a-majigger and started raising and lowering her eyebrow.  
  
+  
  
Meanwhile, Mulder and David were yelling at each other...  
  
"What, are you retarded? There are no aliens!" David yelled.  
  
"Then what happened to my sister, huh?" Mulder pressed.  
  
"She was taken by that cigarette smoking guy, you idiot! He took her because your father let him!" Dave shouted.  
  
"Where... where did you hear that, you son of a gun!" Mulder exclaimed.  
  
"It's common knowledge!" David pestered.  
  
Mulder pushed David against the wall and socked him one in the face. "You tell me where you heard that, you b..."  
  
All of a sudden, there were audible footsteps down the hallway. And who should come into the cafeteria, but Sir Walter Skinner?  
  
The room went silent, and everyone turned to face the Skin Man. Walter took off his glasses, rubbed his eyes, and put them back on again. "I think I'm seeing double," he murmured.  
  
"What up, Mitch?" David asked.  
  
Skinner turned to David. "What?" He looked at the Duchov for a moment, then he looked over at Mulder. Then back to Dave again. "Hmm." Skinner felt slightly dizzy. He used the wall for balance support.  
  
When the AD finally got his balance back, he turned to Scully and Gillian. Skinner's eyes went as big as Grandma's Italian meatballs, and he fainted, right there. (Well, can you blame him? How would you like to be bombarded by leprechauns and their look-alikes?)  
  
Everyone just shrugged and went back down to the basement office. 


	3. I Wonder, Wonder Why

I Wonder, Wonder Why  
  
David slumped into a chair, and put his hand under his chin. "This is almost as bad as Vancouver! I wanna go home!"  
  
"Oh, Davie! Don't be such a party pooper! We're in the FBI! Let's have some fun!" Gillian told him.  
  
"You would be excited, wouldn't you, Gill? All you ever do is act and take care of that little mini-me thing of yours... what's its name again?" David asked, rudely for he was getting tired, and he still couldn't understand where he was or how he'd gotten there.  
  
"David!" Gillian cried, "Don't you ever talk about my daughter like that!"  
  
"Daughter? What daughter?" David asked, "I meant that boyfriend of yours... what's his name? You know, that guy that was obsessed with..."  
  
"AAAAAAH! Dave! I broke up with Adrian Hughes a long time ago!" Gillie yelled.  
  
Mr. Duchovny went a reddish-purple. He really needed to brush up on his Gillian Anderson trivia.  
  
Mulder and Scully were also fighting with each other, and it was getting pretty rowdy. The Duchov' and Anders turned around to face the fighting agents.  
  
Gill raised a skeptical eyebrow and asked, "Excuse me but what the f..." David covered her mouth.  
  
He turned to face her. "No swearing in the basement office."  
  
Gillian nodded. Then both actors turned to the FBI agents, who had reluctantly stopped fighting.  
  
"Sorry. We were just arguing about aliens again," Mulder explained.  
  
Scully sighed and turned to Mulder. "Let's never fight again," she said and kissed him.  
  
"Eww!" David exclaimed.  
  
"What? It's a beautiful celebration of love!" Gillian told him, "And plus, wouldn't we look the same when we kissed?"  
  
"When did we kiss exactly?" Dave inquired.  
  
"Uh..." Gill paused for thought, "Good point."  
  
M and S broke away from their kiss and sat down in their chairs so they faced D and G.  
  
"Okay, so how do I - uh, I mean we - get home?" David asked.  
  
"Well," Mulder began, his hand under his chin, "Where were you when you first stepped through to our world?"  
  
"Well, I was in Gill's dressing room," Dave replied.  
  
"And where did you end up?" Muld' asked.  
  
"Uh, right over there," the Duchov' replied, pointing to the spot in which he had woken up after that horrible switch between dimensions.  
  
"Uh huh," Fox replied, "I remember once when I switched bodies with that guy from the CIA."  
  
"Mmm, I remember that episode," Gillian said, "that one with those coins that stuck together and the lizard in the rock..."  
  
"Oh, yeah! The lone gunmen found out we had to be at the exact place at the exact time, and the aliens or whatever would turn us back!" Dave confessed his memory of the sixth season's 'Dreamland' episodes.  
  
"Someone's obsessed," Scully muttered, and crossed her arms.  
  
"Hey, Gillian look-alike! I'm not obsessed! I wrote a total of... uh," David paused to count on his fingers, and held up one, "two episodes of X- Files!" He looked at his hand and put up another finger.  
  
"Dummy," Scully muttered.  
  
David went red like a tomato that was overly ripe.  
  
Scully raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Okay, now you're a dumb tomato."  
  
"Shut... up... leprechaun!" Davie yelled and started strangling her.  
  
"David, calm down! We need to get home! This place is really beginning to freak me out!" Gillian confessed.  
  
"After I kill the leprechaun!" David promised, his arms getting tighter and tighter around Ms. Scully's throat, so she could barely breathe.  
  
"Stop that!" Mulder yelled.  
  
But Dave wouldn't stop, he enjoyed killing the woman, and he kept strangling until Scully's eyes popped out and almost exploded.  
  
Mulder took picked up a chair and threw it at David...  
  
+  
  
Suddenly, Dave and was back in Gill's dressing room. Strangely, he was naked, and even stranger yet; he was on top of her...  
  
Suddenly, Gill looked at Dave wide-eyed. "AAAAAAH!" the actors cried in unison. David jumped off the bed as quickly as possible.  
  
"I told ya you loved her!" Crafty exclaimed. He was watching them from the door.  
  
"AAAAAAH!" both actors once again yelled at the same time.  
  
"I knew that ecstasy would do the trick!" Crafty grinned, showing his unbrushed teeth.  
  
"You sicko!" Gillian yelled, and threw her alarm clock at him.  
  
Crafty ran out of the room, with both Anders' and the Duchov' (NAKED!) at his heels (actually, he wasn't wearing heels, but whatever.)  
  
+  
  
Mulder flung the chair at where David once stood, but he was gone.  
  
The chair his Scully instead. "AAAAAAH!" she cried as the seating device knocked her down onto the floor.  
  
"Oh, shoot! Sorry Scully!" Mulder exclaimed, rushing over to his injured partner.  
  
"What... what were you thinking, Mulder?" she asked, "Why did you throw that chair at me?"  
  
"He was ... he was strangling you!" Mulder exclaimed.  
  
"Your not hallucinating again, are you Mulder?" Scully asked.  
  
"No... He was right there! The other Mulder! He was... I swear! Skinner can vouch for me!" Mulder told his partner, and grabbed her by the arm. "C'mon, Scully! He's in the cafeteria!" Fox dragged Dana up several flights of stairs until they reached the cafeteria.  
  
Skinner lay on the ground unconscious. Mulder and Scully ran over to the AD. "Skinner! Skinner! Wake up!" Scully cried.  
  
The assistant director slowly opened his eyes.  
  
"Are you alright, sir?" Muld' asked.  
  
"Yes... I had the strangest dream, though... You were there," he pointed to Scully, "And you were there," he pointed to Mulder, "And there were two others that looked just like you two..."  
  
"Come on, Skinner, I think you've seen the Wizard of Oz too many times," Scully said.  
  
"But, Scully! He's telling the truth!" Mulder exclaimed.  
  
"Oh, Fox! Forget about that stuff! Let's go down to the mall and we can buy you some new Nike's," Scully said.  
  
"Oh, all right, Dana," he replied, and they walked off, down the hall, Mulder, Scully, and Skinner. (Hand in hand, bum to bum, and that's all I'm gonna say.)  
  
+  
  
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP!  
  
"AAAAAAH!" Piper yelled. She sat straight up in bed. She was panting. The whole thing was a dream, right?  
  
Gillian rushed into her daughter's bedroom. "What's wrong, honey?" she asked.  
  
"Uh... Nothing... Just a weird dream... I think..." Piper muttered, "Just a weird dream."  
  
END 


	4. Spinoff: The Joint

(Just a spinoff on the Piper Maru Dream Series that I'm in the phase of making)

David and Gillian: The Joint

(Another PM Dream)

There was punk rock blaring from her trailer, and it bugged him. What was wrong with her? She cramped his celebrity style! She was so... different... rebellious. He rolled his eyes and cranked up the new Red Hot Chili Peppers CD. "Ahh," he sighed, and sank back into his leather chair. He closed his eyes and smiled: this was the life. After about five minutes of the blaring Chili Peppers, he heard it: the punk rock was getting louder! "Aargh!!" he cried, getting up off the chair, to crank his music louder still, but before he even got a chance to sit down, the punk rock got even louder! "Damn it!" he cried, but his voice was almost inaudible. He cranked the stereo to the loudest it could go, and shouted, "HAH!" But no one could hear him. He grabbed a beer from the cooler and sat back down. And then... then it got even LOUDER!

He opened the door to his trailer and yelled across to hers, "TURN DOWN YOUR MUSIC!"

But it just got louder.

Finally, he decided to go over there. What else could he do? The rebel's trailer door opened, revealing a smoky haze and a bitter stench of marijuana. He looked around, but couldn't see anything. He waved away the smoke, and saw her sitting there, giggling and smoking a joint beside a Rasta guy.

"Gillian?" he cried.

She just laughed. "Dis is good shit!"

David turned off the music and stared at the two. "What... the... hell..."

The Rasta guy smiled. "We're just chillin, maun. We got a' couple a' dopes here, if ya wants ta join us, maun."

David tried to laugh at it all, and become calm, but... it was just too weird. What was this? Some kind of alternate universe? "I... I think I need a drink..." he muttered.

"No, maun! Try one a' dese! They'll get ya calm, maun!" The African handed David a freshly rolled joint.

The actor slowly took it from Gillian's friend, stuck it between his lips, and lit it.

Well. David William Duchovny had never smoked anything that strong before. His brother had once made him smoke a whole bunch of joints when their parents had left them in charge of the house, but this was crazy compared to that stuff. Between fits of laughter, Dave managed to ask, "Where did you get this stuff?"

"Jamaica, maun," he replied with a quick smile.

"Huh," muttered Dave. He sat down on the couch beside them, and smoked the rest of his joint.

+==+

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Piper Maru cried.

Gillian came running into her daughter's room. "Honey, are you ok?"

"I... I dreamt you and David Duchovny were getting high with a Rasta guy!" the girl yelled.

"Oh... umm... Weird," Gill replied. "Uh, just go back to sleep, honey it was all a dream..."

The actress went out to the living room and told David and the Rasta dude to leave. Then she sprayed aerosol to get rid of the smell. The kid would never know.

((You likey? Or was it bad? Feedback please!)


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